“WTF dude, I am a good person. I’m never mean to anyone. I would bend over backwards for anyone that needed it. I’ve spent the last 2 years doing nothing but trying to be a good mom and do everything I can for my husband and family. So why do I continuously get screwed over? What the f*ck is wrong with me? Or what am I doing wrong? What am I supposed to do? Give up everything I have and start from scratch again, only this time with 2 kids? Well yeah I’m pretty sure that’s what I have to do.. But this freaking blows…
I no longer believe in Karma….”
I wrote this post 6 years ago on my MySpace and for the record, I now DO believe in karma.
When I was writing the excerpt above, there was no way I could even try to foresee that I’d be where I am now.
I’m not claiming to be a superstar or anything but getting out of that point of my despair and into a space where I feel completely satisfied with myself and my life seemed completely impossible at the time.
It was actually a lot easier that I thought it would be.
Looking back and re-evaluating my past situation and the steps I took to get out of it; there are 3 clear things that I always did that I’m pretty sure contributed to getting out of that sh*t hole of a life I was stuck in.
3 Things I did to dig myself out of my Sh*t Hole:
1. Keeping Faith- I literally left my husband and drove 1000 miles home with my kids and what few possessions I had in my car. It was annoying to just leave everything that I owned 50% of but if I had stayed to bicker over material possessions, I wouldn’t have been out of there and creating my new life as quickly. When I got a little apartment for the 3 of us, we literally had nothing but it didn’t matter to me, I saw the emptiness as an opportunity to bring even better things into my life.
2. Not caring what anyone thought- I’ve made so many decisions that other people didn’t like and if I cared what they thought, I’d probably feel like total sh*t right now. Fortunately, I couldn’t care less. Everybody’s always ready to give me their opinion on how I should live my life and I just let it go in one ear and out the other. I use my intuition to direct me when making choices and if someone doesn’t like me for a decision I made, well, they can go suck a fat one.
3. Taking risks- I’ve had so many opportunities come to me from risks that I took that I didn’t feel good enough for yet. When auditions came up that other girls with more experience were flocking to, I still auditioned. When a job was offered to me that I didn’t have the skills for, I learned the trade as quickly as I could. I don’t always feel confident in everything I do, but I don’t let it stop me, either. When the thought of doing something scares me, I allow myself to feel the fear of it, and I act anyway. If I had let fear stop me from doing things, I would’ve missed out on a lot of the opportunities that have changed my life for the better.
I write this post not to brag about myself- I’m definitely a work in progress!- but to tell you that life does get better and the sh*t storm that you’re in is only very temporary.
There’s no way to see exactly where you’ll be in 6 years but even I know that you will be fine! Just keep doing what you do and while you do it, Keep the Faith, Don’t Care about what Anyone Else Thinks and Don’t be Afraid to Take Risks!
You’re writing your story now and it’s going to end Awesome.