Posts

TIOT Incapable Young Moms Header Image

TIOT: How to Handle People Who Think Young Moms are Incapable

It’s Talk It Out Tuesday!

“How do you handle people who think you are incapable of being a mom because of your age?”

It can be really hard to feel adequate when you are a young mom. So many people will put doubt into your mind about if you’re really capable of being the best mom since you’re a teenager or a very young adult. So we shared the question of a YMC follower and got some positive reinforcement! Check it out:

 

IG User misskioiIG User @misskioi says…

There is no difference between a thirty year old first time mom & a 16-year old one. Well, any significant difference. The only difference I see is that when you’re a bit older, you probably have a decent job and can provide for your child without that much of a grand hustle. But see, a child is not raised by the material things you provide. A child is raised by love. Your ability to love is what determines whether or not you will be a good mother. With love, you will strive to be the best you can in order to provide for your baby, you will spend every minute you can with your baby, creating a strong motherly bond. The capacity of love and the ability to love & care for your child knows no age, and don’t let anyone make you feel bad. You can do it. You will make mistakes, yes. But each day is a new day, to learn new things, love your child more, to provide better, and to being a better mom than the day before.  🙂

IG User augustxorae

 

 

IG User @augustxorae says…

I’m 19 and a lot of people thought I was too young and immature to have a child. I am 19 with a 7 month old, I’m my 5th month of nursing school… I have 7 months left and I’ll be able to support me and my son. I am proving EVERYONE wrong. Teen moms are amazing!

 

 

IG User yohelisa_

 

IG User @yohelisa_ says…

I was 17 when I got pregnant with my first daughter. I didn’t know it all, but everyday I learned something new. And of course loving my daughter and taking care of her everyday (she is now 8 years old) made me a great mom. Just don’t pay attention to what people think or say. You are the mom and you know what you do better than them…

 

 

 

IG User ChristinamayhemIG User @christinamayhem says…

Remember that their opinions don’t matter and that what they think does not mean that you are a bad mother or will be! Let their comments be your ammunition! Prove them wrong, not just to show them that teen moms do not mean ‘bad moms’, but for yourself as well! When I got pregnant, a lot of people put me down and discouraged me, but when my daughter was born several of them told me how surprised that they were of how great of a mom I am and how much I do for my baby. It really makes you feel good and proud of yourself! 🙂  I used to be embarrassed or think twice about going out in public because of the looks and comments I would get from people. Now I am much more confident and don’t pay attention to them. I know what I am capable of, and no one is going to make me second guess myself!!! We are women, we are strong!!

Despite all the judgement, our young moms have proven that they can do anything just as well as anybody else! You ladies kick ass! Have you faced people who thought you were going to be a bad mother or just incapable of caring for your child? Did people try to to knock you down when you were pregnant or even after you had your baby? Let us know in the comments.

If anyone else has questions or life issues that they might need some support with, make sure you fill out our form to be anonymously featured on the next Talk it out Tuesday here. Also, as always, feel free to share this article and leave a comment below if you have a story about how you proved yourself as a teen mother or if these girls helped you!

10 things young moms are sick of hearing

10 Things Young Moms are Sick of Hearing

Are you guilty of saying things to young moms that they probably are sick of hearing? Did you even know you were being rude when you said it? Probably not, so don’t feel bad!

Better yet, are you a young and/or single mom that wishes people knew when to keep their comments to themselves? Here’s a list of the 10 things that you can bet young moms are super sick of hearing for the millionth time…

10 Things Young Moms are Sick of Hearing

super mom

#1. OMG, I don’t know how you do it! – Like there’s another option? There are a gazillion moms out there that had kids young or are raising kids alone. I do it just like everyone else does every day of their life; I kick my own butt into gear everyday, take help when it’s offered, and make sure I always put myself and my kids first. Sure there are days I want to pull my hair out or run away from home but everyone has those days, kids or not… don’t they? LOL

young tattooed mom

#2. You look too young to have kids – First of all, thank you. I am approaching 30 and about to have a heart attack because even though reality has made me grow up quickly, I’m still terrified of hitting actual-age adulthood, even though I’ve heard 30 is the new 20! LOL. So yeah, I probably am “too young” by society’s standards to have kids, especially one in middle school and another going into first grade. And this statement could have totally offended me, but instead I’m going to act like I do when I get carded when I buy wine (giggle, smile and walk away feeling damn good about myself).

keep-calm-im-a-single-mom

#3. So you’re married then? – Now wait a minute. Do you see a ring on this finger? (Well, I wear one now but I didn’t used to) Just because we have kids doesn’t mean we have to be married to the father. I am 100% happy for every young mama out there who found true love with her high school sweetheart and I think it’s super amazing when couples can work out a relationship with the other parent and actually be blissfully happy. But please, if you see a young mom with her kids and there’s not a guy with her, don’t assume automatically she married the guy because there might be a good reason he’s not around. If you do ask, be polite about it and don’t ever give that disapproving look followed by “Oh, I see. Well that’s OK…” after we tell you we’re single mommies. We already know it’s more than OK.   🙂

grad

#4. So much for graduation/college – Wait, whaaaa? Since when did having a kid mean your life was over? Having a child is no reason school has to be removed from your life plan! Sure it’s more difficult to raise a kid and still focus on school, but there is no way being a mom means you have to sacrifice your dreams and education to create an awesome life for you and your child. With continuing education programs, online classes and local community colleges there are lots of ways to finish school. (BTW, if you want to learn more about getting yourself through college as a teen mom, make sure to check this blog out: http://bit.ly/1qTkF8R)

pregnancy options

#5. Did you consider other options? – Yes, people actually say this. Personally, I think it’s the most disturbing question you could ask a pregnant teen or a teen mother. Honestly, everyone has their own viewpoints and moral standpoints on teen pregnancy and how it should be handled. Some people feel that adoption could be beneficial to everyone involved, some people think marriage is the answer, and others think that unplanned pregnancies shouldn’t be carried out. But here’s what should be said about the subject: NOTHING. If this young mom is having a baby or has children, she has already made a choice. It may not have been easy and she’s probably heard a million different opinions already and had to become overwhelmed with rearranging her life plans and adapting to new situations. So do the world a favor, have some class and don’t ask this question. Ever.

mom advice

#6. Unwanted parenting advice – This category is so broad, it would be impossible to squeeze all the advice we’re sick of getting on this list. If we ask for your opinion on how to do something or ask for parenting advice, of course it’s so appreciated when you give it to us! BUT (this is a big but) please do NOT volunteer your overbearing instructions on how to raise our children. If kids were supposed to be raised one specific way, the doctor would have handed out instruction manuals on delivery day. Young moms are just as capable of being incredible parents as anyone else in the world. Remember, if we need help we are not afraid to ask, but otherwise assume that we’ve got this!

Young-Moms-Resent-Being-Judged

#7. Is this your little sister/niece/cousin? or Are you the babysitter? – Well, I guess my kid must look nothing like me.  As flattering as you think it might be that we look young enough to be a paid babysitter (like #2 was), most young moms are getting tired of being mistaken for an alternate caregiver or family member. We did a lot of work to bring this child into the world and we’re still putting in work raising them, so hell yeah, you better believe we wanna take credit for that! I do have to admit that I personally enjoy this question every so often. It seriously embarrasses the pants off my tween daughter and one of my main jobs as a mother is to embarrass her, so once in a while is alright I guess. LOL.

KIDS

#8. Wow, it must be hard to meet someone – Gee, thanks. I forgot about the big red letter I wear out in public when I’m looking for a date. Meeting the “right” guy is hard, even without kids. Yeah, it’s true that once you have a kid it does get more difficult to find free time to pursue a relationship. However, don’t ever assume a young mom is “damaged goods” just because she had a child at a young age! And young moms, you better never let anyone make you feel like you don’t deserve Mr. Right anymore because you had a child. If anything, you should be even more excited about dating. A man that is willing to look at a woman’s child and accept or love that child no differently than they would their own… that’s a keeper. So technically, you can thank your kid for helping you immediately reject guys who run for the hills because you’re a parent. You wouldn’t have wanted to waste those 4 months before finding out he’s not the right one anyways.

friends

#9. Did you forget about your friends? – We’ve probably all had a lot of these conversations: “Yeah, I know… I missed Taco Tuesday again.”  “No, I can’t make it to your sister’s birthday party.”  “So what if it’s Friday? I can’t go out drinking because hangovers and children don’t mix.” So many people get caught up in missing the happiness they get out of your friendship with them that they forget that your life changes when you’re young and have kids. We know as moms, we have a tendency to have to rearrange our priorities and may not be at the center of the social circle anymore like we used to. Forgive us and move on and just know that even though you may feel like we’re blowing you off we really do want to hang out and we’re not forgetting about you. We swear! True friendships adapt through life changes. Plus, don’t forget, one day when you have kids and we want to go out, my kid will be old enough to babysit! 😉

tired mom

#10. You can handle it, you’re young – This may be true and most young moms have certain advantages when it comes to parenting. For the most part, we are more agile, have more energy, can survive on less sleep, and we have less of a generation gap between us and our kids which can make it easier to juggle life as a parent. Just remember, we’re still human and we are entitled to get tired. I don’t care how young you are, when you’re waking up every couple hours with a baby while going to school and working and still trying to mange the rest of your entire life, you end up insanely exhausted! So please if you ever see me come home with a half-dead look on my face, just remember one thing: I may be young, but right now I feel like I’m 80 so keep that thought to yourself today. Thanks!

So I think that about covers it. For all the friends and family of young moms out there, we know you mean well. Just try to remember these things next time before you say them. Odds are we don’t want to hear it anymore and we sooooo want to love you and not be irritated when you didn’t mean any harm.

And to all the young moms out there, I hope you agreed with me on most of these, or at least got a good laugh out of it! Are there other things that you got tired of hearing when you were pregnant or after you had your children? Comment below because I would LOVE to hear your stories.