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TIOT: How To Tell Your Parents You Need Space

It’s Talk It Out Tuesday!

“How do you let your parents know you can handle being a mom and need space to learn and figure things out on your own?”

Becoming a young mom isn’t easy and at first your parents want to help you A LOT! But after a few months you finally have the ropes figured out and it can be really hard to tell your parents that it’s time for them to back off and give you some breathing room! We don’t want to hurt their feelings, but at the same time we want to have the room to parent our own kids. Here’s some advice from other young moms who have been there:

IG USER azaleas_momma

 

IG User @azaleas_momma says…

Talk to your parents. Let them know how you feel and your point of view. You are a parent now yourself. We all make mistakes but have to learn from them. Be an adult and talk to them in a respectful way, that they won’t get offended. Good luck momma!

 

IG USER mommyofkyree

 

 

IG User @mommyofkyree says…

My boyfriend’s mother is the epitome of this. We have tried so many times to respectfully ask her to let us learn but she takes it to heart and gets offended then walks around like she has an attitude. We still haven’t found a solution to this problem.

 

IG USER eli_jade

 

 

IG User @eli_jade says…

There is no way! LMAO. My boyfriend’s mom thinks I’m back talking & have attitude and threatens to kick us out. You just have to ignore it or walk away.

 

 

So, it seems like this is a very common issue AND apparently not an easy one to find a solution to! I, personally, remember dealing with this when my first daughter was younger and time did help. I think my mom just had to realize that I was capable over time.

Do you have any advice for all these young moms and the teen mom who originally asked this question? If you do, leave us a comment! I’m sure we would all LOVE to hear any other comments or expert guidance on dealing with our parents.

Also, if you need help with something or just want to get some advice with a problem in your life, make sure you fill out our form so we can post your question for next week’s Talk it out Tuesday here. Also, as always, feel free to share this article and don’t forget… comment below!

TIOT Blog Header - How do I tell my parents I'm pregnant-

TIOT: How to Tell Your Parents You’re Pregnant

It’s Talk It Out Tuesday!

“How do I tell my parents that I’m pregnant?”

This is one of the harder questions that teen moms-to-be have and we thought we should help this pregnant teen so she didn’t feel alone. Here is what our followers had to say to help her to prepare for one of the hardest conversations of her life…

IG User mylife_ft.baileyabigailIG User @mylife_ft.baileyabigail:

My dad lived 19 hours away and was at summer camp for the National Guard when I told him. I definitely should have picked a different way to tell him, I texted him, and I regret it. I lived with my mom so I told her face to face and she cried for days. My mom was 19 when she got pregnant with me. I was 17 when I got pregnant. She just kept telling me she didn’t want me to go through what she went through because she knew how hard it was. If I could go back and change how I told them, I would. No parent wants to see their teenager pregnant and struggling with that, so there is no EASY way to tell them. The best thing to do, in my opinion, is just sit them down and just straight up tell them.

 

IG User raisingzofia

IG User @raisingzofia says…

My mom knew because I was NOT acting like my usual self. My dad lived 15 hours away and my mom texted him and told him. My husband’s mom already knew because she heard me vomiting in the mornings. LOL.  His dad got a text from us because his dad lived 7 hours away.

 

 

 

 

IGIG User hunterlitt3 User @hunterlitt3 says…
My boyfriend at the time and I told all four of our parents at the same time. We went out to dinner at one of our favorite places and we told them. My parents were unhappy and so were my ex’s. My dad got so mad he made a huge scene at the restaurant, broke a few things, and left. He had my uncle come and get him. My mom started crying and so did my ex’s. My ex’s dad was just like, “cool, whatever, Carmen is just going to raise it on her own I already know.” I was really mad about that because I knew it wouldn’t be true so I told him to leave and I didn’t want to see him again, ever. The moms were crying with both madness and happiness. My dad kicked me out of my house and didn’t talk to me until the baby was born. Eventually me and my ex did break up and he wasn’t there for any of it. If I could go back and change the way I told them, I would in a snap!

 

IG User ryliehall

IG User @ryliehall says…

I actually told my mom the adult way, I went to her house and told her. I even asked what she think I should do (not abortion! But I didn’t know if I could raise a baby….) She told me that my baby was for me and I would choose correctly for their life. She always told me, “if you get pregnant I’ll kill you!” but when it came down to it, she was, and is, there for me every step of the way <3

 

 

IG User __leexxiii____

 

IG User @__leexxiii____ says…

I told my mom on the phone too actually… and I should have done it face to face, but I was scared of her reaction and afraid to see disappointment. Turns out she was happier than I could have imagined. I would definitely sit both parents down (probably in public at lunch or something just in case someone doesn’t take it well) and say, “I’m pregnant, happy, and this is a blessing. Hope you’re happy for me” and hopefully they will all be there for you guys and the baby. Everyone needs the support!

 

IG User ah_rel_ee

IG User @ah_rel_ee says…

Well for me, when I found out I was pregnant, my boyfriend and I first talked it out. We set up a schedule if we had the baby. Once we were set on keeping the baby no matter what, we sent in for a counselor conference at my school. I was mostly concerned for his parents’ reaction, but I knew my mom would be supportive because I saw how that was with my older sister. They all caught my boyfriend and I by surprise. They were happy to see a new life begin and offered any of help we needed, and the counselors even told us that it’s the best reaction they have seen from any parents whose teen told them that a baby is on the way. I’m actually happy how I told both the parents. We needed everyone’s support to do it.

 IG User carradefuchiee

 

IG User @carradefuchiee says…

I honestly wish I knew ahead of time. My mom noticed I was prego before I did. She got me a dollar test and said, “Pee on it. You’ve been eating stuff you don’t like”. LOL. I took it thinking I wasn’t, but two minutes passed and I read the box 3 times and was shocked and came out and said I’m pregnant. She said, “OMG”! She was a little disappointed ’cause I had to do it alone because my baby’s dad was cheating on me, but it was the best experience.

 

 

IG User jasminef80

IG User @jasminef80 says…

I waited until I was 6 months along. I was scared and selfish. The uncertainty scared me the most. When I told my parents I waited until my dad was out of town and just told my mom one on one and let her tell him. Looking back it might have been better to tell them together face to face but it allowed my dad time to get the right words before we spoke and he was very gentle and forgiving when we did speak by phone. The fears began to melt away when I knew they were there to help me through every step of the way. It’s a very hard conversation but it’s one of the first grown-up things you will have to do of many when entering into parenthood.

 

 

IG User abbylockyerrr

IG User @abbylockyerrr says…

Well, I missed my period for 2 months or so when my now ex-boyfriend noticed my stomach was a little bit bigger than usual. I knew right then that I was pregnant and we kept it between us. Then I ate some cottage cheese with a pickle for the spoon, (it was so good) and out of nowhere I threw up! So I went and told my mom that I threw up and that I thought I was sick, and she said “well maybe you’re pregnant” and I was just like, no way. So then she went to work and me and my dad talked and he asked me if I had unprotected sex in the last month. I said yeah and he was like well, there you go! I sat in my room for a while and the next day I woke up and went to my mom’s room and she was like “I got you a pregnancy test, it’s in the bathroom”. I had to pee soooo bad, but I pretended like I didn’t to avoid taking the test because I was so terrified about the fact that she was going to find out I was having sex, and not the sole fact that I was pregnant! But it came out positive and I BOLTED out of the bathroom. She looked at the test and then we went out to eat and didn’t talk, but then we got in the car and we discussed my options. I decided immediately that I was going to keep the baby, and now almost 13 months later I have my beautiful 3 month old daughter Fiona Mae. I am not ashamed or regretful in any way #NOTEENSHAME❤

 

IG User christinamayhem

IG User @christinamayhem says…

I remember feeling like my period was going to start (sore boobs, cramps, etc.) but it just never came. I decided to tell my mom I thought I could be pregnant and she bought me two tests and I took them in the bathroom early morning and showed her. She immediately told me I had to get an abortion and was furious when I refused. I didn’t end up telling me stepfather until I was about 4 1/2 months pregnant (my mom told him) and he made me clean every day and do chores, telling me that if I decided to have an abortion I could stop and things would go back to normal. He made my life a living hell my whole pregnancy but I already loved my baby so much, there was no giving up. I didn’t tell my dad until I was 7 months pregnant (we don’t talk a lot). After my baby was born, I moved in with her father’s family and later on ended up leaving him because he cheated on/abused me. Now I have a new boyfriend and I work hard for a good life for myself and my daughter Cloudy Bell 🙂  #noregrets #thestruggleisworthit My advice would be to sit your family down and tell them with your boyfriend (if he’s around), firmly state that you are keeping your baby and that you would appreciate their support. Being straight up with them is the best way! #staystrong

 

IG User mariah_emmys_mommyIG User @mariah_emmys_mommy says…

I didn’t end up telling my mom until I was 3 and 1/2 months along, and the only reason she even knew was because she had found the test. She was very angry with me and she wanted me to give it up for adoption. After fighting with her for about an hour, she promised me she would not tell my dad about the baby until I wanted to. Somehow my younger brother Mike found out and told my dad. I came home from baby shopping with my girlfriends one day and he was furious. He started hitting and yelling and he told me if I didn’t get an abortion he would kick me out. I told him if he was going to act this way he better not expect to be any part of this baby’s life. He ordered me in the car and we drove to my boyfriends house. After my boyfriend found out he promised he would help out with the baby. But just before I was actually going to give birth, he broke up with me and completely denied that she was his child. I didn’t need a DNA test. I knew she was his because I had never in my life slept with anyone else but him. If you’re pregnant, the best way to tell your parents is to sit down with them and be honest. Tell them you want to keep the baby.

IG User ashleybellab

 

IG User @ashleybellab says…

I was very athletic so it wasn’t uncommon for me to miss multiple periods in a row, I was 5 months pregnant when I passed out twice in one day so my mom took me to the doctor and that pee test in a cup came out positive.

 

These young moms have opened our eyes to so many different experiences when it comes to sharing the news of pregnancies with their families. We appreciate your honesty and your willingness to share with our pregnant young mommy-to-be!

If anyone else has questions or life issues that they might need some support with, make sure you fill out our form to be anonymously featured on the next Talk it out Tuesday here. Also, as always, feel free to comment below if you want to share your story about how you broke the news to your family!

Past TIOT - Advice for young pregnant girl Blog Header

TIOT: Advice for Young Girls who Just Found out They’re Pregnant

It’s Talk It Out Tuesday!

“What advice would you give to young girls who just found out they’re pregnant?”

When we received this question, we were so stoked on the amount of responses we got AND what amazing advice our young moms had to share! Some of these teen moms really had great things to say and I think a lot of us will appreciate or relate to this advice. Read on to see what we’re talking about…

 

bliss cruz fb userFB Fan Bliss Cruz says:

1) Try not to get overwhelmed. God won’t give you anything you can’t handle. 
2) Don’t rush it. ENJOY IT. Believe it or not, once the morning sickness passes, you will miss being pregnant & having the baby all to yourself. 
3) DONT GOOGLE YOUR SYMPTOMS & AILMENTS. It’s a horrible idea & you will end up diagnosing yourself with malaria or a calcium deficiency. Talk to your doctor. 
4) Do not watch “A Baby Story” or “I didn’t know I was pregnant” — doing so is a very poor choice. You will psych yourself out & imagine each thing that could go wrong. 
5) Talk to your baby, talk to your significant other, talk to God, talk to your friends, talk to your doctor. YOU ARE NOT IN THIS ALONE. You are literally making a miracle happen. Take some time to realize that before your miracle is complete. You have been hand picked to love & carry this beautiful little human. Be proud & be gracious. There are so many women who would give anything & everything they have to be in your shoes. Keep that in mind. 

YOU ARE GOING TO BE FINE.  it will all be ok— better than ok. It’s going to be wonderful. You are going to be a mom. Congrats!!!!

 

FB Fan Autumn Wake says…autumn wake fb user

I think Miss Bliss above here said it all! I never thought I would miss my belly, but when baby was sick in the NICU after she was born that’s all I thought. Def don’t google stuff… Ask your doctor! I was feeling a lot of hiccups when I was in the last month. Some dumb person posted something in a forum about how she had hiccups right before she had a stillborn… Wtf?!?! Even though I knew it was ridiculous I was still paranoid. Get ready for everyone to tell you 100 different things when you have the baby! One person tells you one thing and the next contradicts it. Find one person you trust and stick with their guidance… As well as your own gut!

My favorite thing about being a new parent is the secret club that parents have that everyone told me “you don’t get it until you have one.” Everyone gets so excited for you to experience this new parent thing… It’s just like everyone who is a parent gets so excited and bonds with you like you never expected.

 

christinamayhem IG user

 

IG User @christinamayhem says…

Keep holding on and stay strong! Your life is not over!!! You, and only you, know what your capable of, and that is anything you put your mind to. Don’t be discouraged by anyone. You can make a great life for you and your child! Finish high school and do something after too.

 

 

mommyandbraxton IG users

 

 

IG User @mommyandbraxton says…

Just be honest and don’t give up. Tell your parents no matter how much you think they will hate you, more than likely they won’t. Stay focused on schooling.

 

 

IG user ___kearstinleighhh

 

IG User @___kearstinleighhh says…

I am a young mom. It’s not easy. Never will be. But being a mother is the most rewarding thing a woman can do. It’s so amazing. Just keep your head held high and stay strong and NEVER give up.

 

 

stephanie mccoy fb user

 

FB Fan Stephanie McCoy says…

Nobody is ready for a baby no matter what… so take it one day at a time. It will all work out somehow. 
And take all advice with a grain of salt… nothing works one hundred percent of the time. Do what makes you happy!

 

blondebeauty92 IG user

 

 

IG User @blondebeauty92 says…

Don’t listen to anyones rude comments, keep your head up, and keep moving forward. Life is going to be harder now, but in the end it’ll be well worth it.

 

 

 

Jessica Tripod fb userFB Fan Jessica Tripod says…

1) Your life is not over once you become a mom.

2) Take care of yourself. You’ll thank yourself later.

3) Block out all negativity. Don’t allow others to sentence you to their misery. Just because someone else had a bad experience or is unhappy with themselves doesn’t mean that you have to go down the same path.

 

_mother_of_2boys IG user

 

IG User @_mother_of _2boys says…

Always think positive and keep your head up. Don’t pay any attention to the rude comments and mean things your family and friends might say. Just prove them wrong and then they will keep their mouths shut. Its not gonna be easy, but it will all be worth it at the end. Remember think positive.

 

joshuamomma_proud IG user

IG User @joshuamomma_proud says…

It’s a very hard time in life. You’ll get scared and you won’t have all the answers, you’ll feel like you’re not prepared and that’s all okay. You just have to have faith in yourself, keep your head high and don’t listen to what everyone keeps telling you. Just hold on and stay strong and remember that at the end of those long nine months you’ll be holding the most precious person in your life.

 

alliebear714 IG user
IG User @alliebear714 says…

Make sure anything you do and or decide to do for you and your baby is the best choice for you and your baby. Nobody else can tell you what you are feeling or what you are going to do. Always think positive! 🙂 Nothing will come out of being negative and if you are surrounded with negativity then find your way of shutting it out and keep your head high. Always remember, it will never be easy being a young mom. The sooner you realize that, then the less stressed you will be come when those words ring true. That is what helped me overcome all of the obstacles everybody said I wouldn’t get over.

marissaallier IG user

 

IG User @marissaallier says…

I know I’m a little late to the party… But the best advice I can give is stay positive. This is the beginning of a long journey. There’s gonna be ups & downs but it’s gonna be the best time of your life. Just know that you can do it, & when you need help don’t be afraid to ask for it.

 

 

krsmari IG user

 

IG User @krsmari says…

Be honest with your parents you need their support -try to complete as much education as possible before and after pregnancy

 

 

kitti_in_wonderland IG user

 

IG User @kitti_in_wonderland says…

Don’t ever let anyone call you stupid. It has nothing to do with your level of intelligence, it was a thing that happened that could happen to someone with a 4.0 GPA or someone with a 1.0 GPA. You are NOT stupid, you just made a mistake… everyone does. I’m 17 and 5 months pregnant and people call me stupid all the time because I have a baby. I don’t let it bother me because God gave me this baby for a reason and girls remember, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and that is so true. #proudyoungmom

Wow! After all that awesome advice, we’re sure the young mom who asked the question is feeling so supported right now! You guys freakin’ rock! Thanks to everyone who contributed and we hope that this helped lots of young pregnant teens everywhere! You are never alone, ladies!

If anyone else has questions or life issues that they might need some support with, make sure you fill out our form to be anonymously featured on the next Talk it out Tuesday here. Also, as always, feel free to comment below if you have any additional advice for young moms-to-be or if this advice helped you!

Handling the -Ex-Factor- Blog Image

Handling the “Ex-Factor”

As much as I would love to say this blog is about the TV show X-Factor (one of my guilty pleasures)…. It’s not.

Your guess was totally right when you figured out this article is dedicated to dealing with difficult exes. I bet you a million bucks 90% of people reading this article immediately thought of someone from a past relationship when they read that title. Maybe you didn’t think of the father of your kids, maybe you did… maybe you’re a guy reading this and you thought about your crazy ex-girlfriend. No matter who it was that came to mind, this blog post might be helpful to you.

I thought about writing this because when I talked to my ex-husband today (the father of my youngest daughter) he lied to me about where he was with my daughter so I couldn’t try to pick her up early for a birthday party we had planned to go to. Now don’t get me wrong, he’s totally allowed to say “no” to me picking her up early, but seriously lying about it instead of just saying no? In my book. that’s pretty lame. Anyways, my boyfriend got irritated to all hell and does quite a bit when it comes to having to put up with a lot of the really crazy stuff my ex has pulled in the past. But one thing my boyfriend can’t figure out is why I don’t get crazy upset or frustrated when this kind of stuff happens… It’s because I have learned to “handle the ex-factor”.  Let me explain: When I went through my divorce, and for a while after, I used to get so stressed out because my ex wouldn’t want to pick up our daughter on time, he would never take the day off if she was sick, he would criticize me constantly, he would always tell me “it’s not my day” if I asked for any help aside from court ordered visitation (like when I was in the hospital), and he would constantly take out his bad moods on me anytime we would interact. I would get angry, I would bitch to my friends and family about it, I would cry, and I would get bitchy towards other people even though it wasn’t their fault I was upset. So one night, I’m sitting in a college class learning about interpersonal communication (go figure) and I decide to stay after class to talk to the teacher. The guy is probably one of the most inspiring people to walk the planet and has the most amazing outlook on life I’ve ever seen and loves to listen and help others. So I tell him about something stupid my ex did to piss me off that day and how frustrated I am ALL the time. He literally stops me in my tracks and tells me, “Why do you care?” Honestly, that caught me off guard at first. What do you mean? Of course I care! He’s a jerk! He likes to frustrate me and I get so mad when he messes with me and yells at me. Who wouldn’t care? But then I realized exactly what he meant. Why do I LET myself care? My ex is going to be a jerk whether I like it or not. No, I don’t have to let him walk all over me, but I shouldn’t let his outbursts affect my mood. Why should I let his bad day ruin mine too? And that’s when I heard the words that would change my outlook on life… happiness collage

“Acceptance is the key to happiness”

Once I learned to accept that my ex was the way he is and I have NO control over that (which, by the way, is a good reminder of why we aren’t together anymore) I can learn to ACCEPT him for who he is. I may not really like it, agree with it, or condone it. I do not have to let him trample my feelings or condone him acting like a complete idiot. BUT, I no longer let it aggravate me. I accept that the only thing I am able control in sucky situations with him, are MY feelings and reactions. So why let him ruin MY day?

So now, whenever my ex causes drama or wants to yell at me. I reply calmly and rationally. I stand my ground but I don’t lose my temper or yell back or cry anymore. Because I have accepted that he will never change, and even if he does, I can’t do anything to change him. So in 5 minutes, I’m going to move on with my life and go back to my awesome day and he can go try to ruin someone else’s mood.  *Added bonus: When they don’t get a reaction out of you, they tend to give up eventually or at the very least, you piss them off by not getting upset and that always makes me smile a little bit*

acceptance is the key to happiness

So now that you have a new way to look at things when dealing with YOUR “Ex-Factor” what do you think? Does this seem like a strategy that might help you out? Do you have other ways that you find work for you that you want to share with other people that might need the advice? Comment below! I would LOVE to hear your feedback and ideas!   🙂

TIOT Blog - Natural v.s. C-Section

TIOT: Natural Birth v.s. C-Section

It’s Talk It Out Tuesday!

“Those of you who have experienced natural birth and a C-section which one did you prefer and why?”

One of our Facebook fans sent this question in and we were super interested to see what everyone would have to say. With every mom having a different experience with childbirth, we just had to share the answers with you! Read about our YMC followers’ answers to this week’s question…

 

Twitter User mommaliving (inked momma)

 

Twitter Follower @mommyliving (Inked Momma) says…

Had a natural birth & it was hell. Had to use forceps & he swallowed muconium, couldn’t hold him til next day. Terrifying.

 

 

IG User rosiemonterroza

IG user @rosiemonterroza says…

I had a C-Section. I had a good experience, I didn’t feel any pain at all. Although I was going for a natural drug free birth, my daughter had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck so she wasn’t going down to the birth canal. I’d prefer to have my next child naturally, but if I had to go through a C-Section again it wouldn’t bother me. I had a smooth and pain free experience.

 

IG User xosabinalovee

 

IG user @xosabinalovee says…

I had a natural delivery with an epidural. I didn’t feel any contractions after I got the shot but I got it early so during delivery it had worn off by then. But it sure is true you forget all the pain after holding your baby in your arms afterwards!  🙂  …until postpartum! That kicked my butt!!

 

 

IG User @newyorkermom says…IG User newyorkermom

Personally it was definitely natural birth. The recovery was a lot quicker. I had a C-Section the first time and then a natural birth a little over two years later. I aimed to have a natural birth both times. I had to get the C-Section because every time I pushed, my daughter’s heart rate slowed down. After several attempts to push, I was pushed to the operating room. It was tough because although I had anesthesia given to me, I could feel the pressure of the doctor maneuvering her back up and through my C-Section. I felt cold and very nervous and too shaky to even greet my baby girl. I was knocked out and woke up in the recovery room and then transferred to the After Labor room and requested my baby to be pushed to my room. It was tough to breastfeed because she was on top of my C-Section. It was also tough to walk straight because it felt really weird to have the cut. I had to really keep it clean to avoid any infection and have a good heal. Exercising felt weird and uncomfortable too.

>>>>Then with my second I wanted to make sure that by the time I would deliver, it would have been two years after my C-Section surgery because that allows the most time for the scar tissue to heal and become strong for me to try a natural birth. The OBGYN constantly warned me of a uterus eruption from my C-Section scar but I really wanted to at least try pushing than forcing my contractions and scheduling to go under the knife. So when I felt the contractions, I pushed for the natural birth and was actually dropped by my OBGYN because she didn’t believe in my choice and my file was transferred to the on-call doctor at the Labor and Delivery Dept. I did take the epidural in case things did go wrong, I wouldn’t have to wait for anesthesia to be given to me. So when I pushed, I did need to get a cut or two for a bigger hole for him to go through. Got sewn up and was able to hold him immediately. I felt normal and was able to sit up and walk. Breastfeeding was a lot easier because I felt no pain really.

Wow, these girls really gave me a new perspective on labor and delivery! Thanks so much for your stories and I hope that these experiences shared are able to help other young pregnant moms who are getting ready to discuss their delivery plans with their doctors!

Did you have a C-Section or a Natural Birth? Have you had both and you preferred one to the other? If you have a story to share, don’t forget to leave a comment below!

…and don’t forget to submit YOUR Talk it out Tuesday questions so you can be featured next and get feedback and advice from young moms just like you!

10 things young moms are sick of hearing

10 Things Young Moms are Sick of Hearing

Are you guilty of saying things to young moms that they probably are sick of hearing? Did you even know you were being rude when you said it? Probably not, so don’t feel bad!

Better yet, are you a young and/or single mom that wishes people knew when to keep their comments to themselves? Here’s a list of the 10 things that you can bet young moms are super sick of hearing for the millionth time…

10 Things Young Moms are Sick of Hearing

super mom

#1. OMG, I don’t know how you do it! – Like there’s another option? There are a gazillion moms out there that had kids young or are raising kids alone. I do it just like everyone else does every day of their life; I kick my own butt into gear everyday, take help when it’s offered, and make sure I always put myself and my kids first. Sure there are days I want to pull my hair out or run away from home but everyone has those days, kids or not… don’t they? LOL

young tattooed mom

#2. You look too young to have kids – First of all, thank you. I am approaching 30 and about to have a heart attack because even though reality has made me grow up quickly, I’m still terrified of hitting actual-age adulthood, even though I’ve heard 30 is the new 20! LOL. So yeah, I probably am “too young” by society’s standards to have kids, especially one in middle school and another going into first grade. And this statement could have totally offended me, but instead I’m going to act like I do when I get carded when I buy wine (giggle, smile and walk away feeling damn good about myself).

keep-calm-im-a-single-mom

#3. So you’re married then? – Now wait a minute. Do you see a ring on this finger? (Well, I wear one now but I didn’t used to) Just because we have kids doesn’t mean we have to be married to the father. I am 100% happy for every young mama out there who found true love with her high school sweetheart and I think it’s super amazing when couples can work out a relationship with the other parent and actually be blissfully happy. But please, if you see a young mom with her kids and there’s not a guy with her, don’t assume automatically she married the guy because there might be a good reason he’s not around. If you do ask, be polite about it and don’t ever give that disapproving look followed by “Oh, I see. Well that’s OK…” after we tell you we’re single mommies. We already know it’s more than OK.   🙂

grad

#4. So much for graduation/college – Wait, whaaaa? Since when did having a kid mean your life was over? Having a child is no reason school has to be removed from your life plan! Sure it’s more difficult to raise a kid and still focus on school, but there is no way being a mom means you have to sacrifice your dreams and education to create an awesome life for you and your child. With continuing education programs, online classes and local community colleges there are lots of ways to finish school. (BTW, if you want to learn more about getting yourself through college as a teen mom, make sure to check this blog out: http://bit.ly/1qTkF8R)

pregnancy options

#5. Did you consider other options? – Yes, people actually say this. Personally, I think it’s the most disturbing question you could ask a pregnant teen or a teen mother. Honestly, everyone has their own viewpoints and moral standpoints on teen pregnancy and how it should be handled. Some people feel that adoption could be beneficial to everyone involved, some people think marriage is the answer, and others think that unplanned pregnancies shouldn’t be carried out. But here’s what should be said about the subject: NOTHING. If this young mom is having a baby or has children, she has already made a choice. It may not have been easy and she’s probably heard a million different opinions already and had to become overwhelmed with rearranging her life plans and adapting to new situations. So do the world a favor, have some class and don’t ask this question. Ever.

mom advice

#6. Unwanted parenting advice – This category is so broad, it would be impossible to squeeze all the advice we’re sick of getting on this list. If we ask for your opinion on how to do something or ask for parenting advice, of course it’s so appreciated when you give it to us! BUT (this is a big but) please do NOT volunteer your overbearing instructions on how to raise our children. If kids were supposed to be raised one specific way, the doctor would have handed out instruction manuals on delivery day. Young moms are just as capable of being incredible parents as anyone else in the world. Remember, if we need help we are not afraid to ask, but otherwise assume that we’ve got this!

Young-Moms-Resent-Being-Judged

#7. Is this your little sister/niece/cousin? or Are you the babysitter? – Well, I guess my kid must look nothing like me.  As flattering as you think it might be that we look young enough to be a paid babysitter (like #2 was), most young moms are getting tired of being mistaken for an alternate caregiver or family member. We did a lot of work to bring this child into the world and we’re still putting in work raising them, so hell yeah, you better believe we wanna take credit for that! I do have to admit that I personally enjoy this question every so often. It seriously embarrasses the pants off my tween daughter and one of my main jobs as a mother is to embarrass her, so once in a while is alright I guess. LOL.

KIDS

#8. Wow, it must be hard to meet someone – Gee, thanks. I forgot about the big red letter I wear out in public when I’m looking for a date. Meeting the “right” guy is hard, even without kids. Yeah, it’s true that once you have a kid it does get more difficult to find free time to pursue a relationship. However, don’t ever assume a young mom is “damaged goods” just because she had a child at a young age! And young moms, you better never let anyone make you feel like you don’t deserve Mr. Right anymore because you had a child. If anything, you should be even more excited about dating. A man that is willing to look at a woman’s child and accept or love that child no differently than they would their own… that’s a keeper. So technically, you can thank your kid for helping you immediately reject guys who run for the hills because you’re a parent. You wouldn’t have wanted to waste those 4 months before finding out he’s not the right one anyways.

friends

#9. Did you forget about your friends? – We’ve probably all had a lot of these conversations: “Yeah, I know… I missed Taco Tuesday again.”  “No, I can’t make it to your sister’s birthday party.”  “So what if it’s Friday? I can’t go out drinking because hangovers and children don’t mix.” So many people get caught up in missing the happiness they get out of your friendship with them that they forget that your life changes when you’re young and have kids. We know as moms, we have a tendency to have to rearrange our priorities and may not be at the center of the social circle anymore like we used to. Forgive us and move on and just know that even though you may feel like we’re blowing you off we really do want to hang out and we’re not forgetting about you. We swear! True friendships adapt through life changes. Plus, don’t forget, one day when you have kids and we want to go out, my kid will be old enough to babysit! 😉

tired mom

#10. You can handle it, you’re young – This may be true and most young moms have certain advantages when it comes to parenting. For the most part, we are more agile, have more energy, can survive on less sleep, and we have less of a generation gap between us and our kids which can make it easier to juggle life as a parent. Just remember, we’re still human and we are entitled to get tired. I don’t care how young you are, when you’re waking up every couple hours with a baby while going to school and working and still trying to mange the rest of your entire life, you end up insanely exhausted! So please if you ever see me come home with a half-dead look on my face, just remember one thing: I may be young, but right now I feel like I’m 80 so keep that thought to yourself today. Thanks!

So I think that about covers it. For all the friends and family of young moms out there, we know you mean well. Just try to remember these things next time before you say them. Odds are we don’t want to hear it anymore and we sooooo want to love you and not be irritated when you didn’t mean any harm.

And to all the young moms out there, I hope you agreed with me on most of these, or at least got a good laugh out of it! Are there other things that you got tired of hearing when you were pregnant or after you had your children? Comment below because I would LOVE to hear your stories.

TIOT - When Should I Tell Him I Have Kids

TIOT: When Do You Tell a Guy You Have Kids?

It’s Talk It Out Tuesday!

“When is the right time to tell a guy you have children? Is the first date too soon?”

This question was sent in by a young mom hitting the dating scene. We got lots of responses from women and even a guy’s perspective! Check out what YMC followers said about this week’s question…

FB User Aubrie Phenix

 

Facebook User Aubrie Phenix says… I’d say tell them right away, first date or sooner. They deserve to know the package deal they’d be getting. Not to mention, if they won’t give you a chance just because you have kids, chances are they wouldn’t make a very good father and it’s not someone you would want in their lives or yours anyway.

 

IG User waitingongrace

 

 

IG user @waitingongrace says… I’d tell him, but I wouldn’t bring him home to the kiddos until you’re sure he’ll stick around.

 

IG User jasminder_03


 

IG user @jasminder_03 says… Before the first date to see if they’re still interested. Why waste your time if they don’t want someone with kids? But I agree, definitely don’t introduce them to the kids.

FB User Ryan Schlotter

 

 

 

Facebook User Ryan Schlotter says… We deserve to know ASAP.

 

IG User prvncess_lyric

 

IG user @prvncess_lyric says… You should let them know soon. If he doesn’t want to stick around, don’t get pissed or upset because you should never let someone come before your child/children. If he doesn’t care about you having kids, then that’s great. But you should never introduce your kids and your date until you know for sure he’s the right guy. It’s only right.

Thanks for your opinions everyone! All of the ladies (and guy) seem to be on the same page. What do you think?

Are YOU a young mom on the dating scene who has told your dates about your kid/kids? Are you a guy who has dated young, single moms? When were you told about her children? Leave a comment below!

…and don’t forget to submit YOUR Talk it out Tuesday questions so you can be featured next and get feedback and advice from young moms just like you!

ramonita falcon young mother pic

How Ramonita Falcon Did It

Supermom to three and married to her high school sweetheart, Ramonita has always put her kids first.

Read on to see how she did it, raising three kids with her wonderful husband while making sure they worked together to conquer life’s hardships and give their kids the great life that they deserve.

ramonita falcon how she did it familyTell us about yourself and your family:

I’m a 39 year old mom of 3 great kids and also a wife to my high school sweetheart of 23 years. I had my first daughter, Bianca, ten days before my 18th birthday. It was also my senior year in high school! My husband, Rene, was 17 years old and also a senior in high school. We decided being pregnant was a blessing and we were excited to become parents because we were so in love. My mom was a great help and she babysat so I could graduate with my class of 1993. I decided while I was pregnant to give my daughter a better life than I had. Rene and I grew up in the projects both to single moms. Our moms didn’t work and struggled! I didn’t want to raise Bianca that way! It was my decision to work and support my daughter together with her Dad without any assistance. Thank God we were successful. When Bianca was 3 years old, Rene and I were married. Then we had our second child Vanessa. I was 22 years old and I wanted Bianca to have a sibling. Many years later, Rene wanted a son and after some marriage struggles we agreed to try one more time. I had my son Joshua when I was 28 years old. Since we began so young, our kids have 4 and 5 years between each other. I love them all so much that I would definitely do it the same way all over again.

What were the biggest challenges you had to overcome as a young mom?

As a young mom, financial responsibilities are always a challenge. I wanted Bianca to only have the best so Rene and I moved out of the projects and rented an apartment in a better area of town. So, with the financial responsibilities of having a child, we now also had to pay rent. Also, going to college was put on the back burner so I could take care of my little girl and I had to work full time to pay bills.ramonita falcon how she did it mom

What are some things you learned as a young mom, that you wish you would’ve known as soon as you got pregnant?

The amount of work that it takes to care for a baby. First of all, the pain of childbirth and how hard my body had to work to give birth to a baby. The nighttime feedings, the bathing, washing baby clothes, the crying, the fevers, and the overall responsibilities of being a good mom!

Do you have any tips or advice for staying on track with your goals and dreams?

I decided to give my daughter a better life and I thought about it day and night. I had to train my mind to want and work towards working hard to give Bianca everything I never had! Today she is a senior in college and I still have goals that I tell myself everyday that we work on together.

What kinds of things do you do for fun and to stay relaxed? How important do you think it is for young moms to take care of themselves as well as their children?

falcon young mom how she did itI would, and still do, take a daily nap once the kids have eaten and they are also relaxing. I exercise everyday and I have the kids exercise with me. For fun, my family and I go out to eat, we go to the beach a lot, we ride bikes together, we go for walks, and we go shopping together. I take my kids everywhere with me. Once a year during spring break my family has made a tradition of going to Disney World and enjoying the Florida sunshine.

What are your favorite things about being a mom?

I love making my kids feel special and taking care of them everyday. I love it when they appreciate all I do for them and they are so protective of me. I enjoy the hugs and kisses and we tell each other we love each other everyday. I adore seeing my babies happy and that truly makes me happy!

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? What goals and dreams are you currently pursuing?

I wish I could go back to school and finish my Bachelor’s degree. I will be approaching 20 years at my current job so I will be close to retirement. I would love to start a hobby and go to beauty school to learn to cut hair. I’m working on getting out of debt and being able to travel more with my husband once all the kids are older. Seeing the world is a dream of mine!

Wow, this woman is awe-inspiring! Thank you so much for sharing your story and inspiring other young moms to never give up and to strive to give their kids everything that they didn’t have growing up.

Did Ramonita’s story give you motivation to accomplish your goals? Tell her in the comments section below! And don’t forget if you have a story like hers, you could be the next featured “How She Did It” mama! Sign up HERE and don’t forget to SIGN UP for the Young Mom’s Club!

Past TIOT Stepmoms

TIOT: Should Stepmoms Have Boundaries?

It’s Talk It Out Tuesday!

“How much communication should you have with a stepmom? And what topics are ok for her to have an opinion on?”

We got a lot of responses to this subject and here are some of the things YMC followers had to say about this week’s question…

Momma2 two boys

 

Twitter follower @Momma2 two boys says…

Stepmoms are part of the family too and shouldn’t only be allowed to have opinions on certain things. I think this question is what’s wrong with society and viewing stepmoms. They should be treated with respect as a member of the family.

 

 

momma_salmaa

IG user @mommasalmaa says…

I don’t think they should have much of an opinion on how the child is raised. I mean, if you have a stepmom because your biological mom passed or something, then obviously she’s your mother figure so any opinion is fine. If it’s because of a divorce, then I think she has no say in anything really.

 

 

arielle_rose86

 

IG user @arielle_rose86 says…

If the stepmom plays a bigger role in the child’s life, they should have just as much say.

 

 

 

kelsey_trevor_luis

 IG user @kelsey_trevor_luis says…

I am both a stepmom and a biological mom and let me tell ya, stepmoms can really get the crap end of the stick. No matter how much you do for your step children, society in general will act like you should have no opinion and that nothing is your business. But, no matter what, all you can do is love your step children and try to be peaceful with their biological mom.

 

 

sandoval_loveIG user @sandoval_love says…

So, I’m a stepmother and have had a stepmother in my son’s life at one point. In regards to being the step mother, I used to have great communication with my daughter’s mother! Unfortunately, circumstances have changed and now we have almost zero communication and it’s really hard. I think each situation is unique and I’m not going to go into detail of ours, but it’s 100% a priority , no matter what, to keep the best interest of my “stepdaughter” (I hate calling her that) on the front lines. I think it’s beyond important to remove our personal feelings from the situation as much as possible even though it’s a huge challenge at times, especially when we have teenagers!

I also understand being on the other side of it too. At one time my son had a stepmother in his life because I was absent for the majority of the first 3 years of his life and I was honestly thankful for her. Our communication was minimal because when we did communicate she felt it was necessary to push her weight around which always led to an argument because I was insecure about my position. I had a lot to prove and did so. She did have a say so and I had to accept that but unfortunately she is no longer in the picture. When she left we were on good terms but I’m thankful for her position in my son’s life in light of my absence.

I’ve learned a lot over the past 6 years being on both sides of the fence so although I understand it’s so easy to think of a stepmother as a nuisance, it’s also important to look at our position for what it is and make the environment we provide for our children as pleasant as possible. It’s definitely challenging but can be so rewarding. I love my “stepdaughter” like she’s mine and it’s not a competition. I’ve always done my best to make it clear her mother cannot be replaced and even though things are hard and I may not agree with the lifestyle, I always have respect and do my best to be a helper instead of a road block. And I continue to pray for things to turn around! This is a great topic!

We thought this was a great topic too! Thank you to all who contributed and gave such incredible feedback from so many different viewpoints! We hope that your advice was helpful to our young mom.

Do YOU have any experience as a stepmom? Do your children have a stepmom in their lives? What is your opinion on placing boundaries on stepmoms and their involvement in their stepchild’s life? Leave a comment below!

…and don’t forget to submit YOUR Talk it out Tuesday questions so you can be featured next and get feedback and advice from young moms just like you!

juggling life blog header

Juggling and Keeping Your Sanity: How to find balance in a crazy world

Do you ever feel like once in a while life as a young mom can get a little bit overwhelming?  Or maybe a LOT?  You are NOT alone!

So many of us young moms feel that way and it’s totally normal, I swear!

Lots of teen moms feel like it’s almost impossible to find a balance while being a brand new mom, keeping up with school, planning for college, saving up for a car, dealing with relationship stuff, and whatever else life throws your way! I know, it totally sounds like a lot. And it is. BUT there IS a way to manage it all, keep your sanity and be super happy!

Here’s a few ways to help you juggle (and keep yourself from going crazy) when you feel like your life is a three-ring circus!

young moms multitaskingManage your time – You might have heard the saying “You have the same 24 hours in a day as Beyonce” so why shouldn’t you get everything done that you want to do? I hate to support this because I’ve tried to argue with this, but it’s totally true. It just has to do with how you manage your time! Here’s 3 time management tools that I can’t live without:

  • MY CALENDAR – OMG where would I be without my calendar. Literally if it’s not in there, it doesn’t exist in my life. (I tell people that all the time) But seriously, the 2 seconds it’s going to take for you to pull a day planner out of your purse or even just schedule it into your phone on your calendar, will save you a HUGE headache later. I was famous for double-booking myself and my kids until I started scheduling every little thing, color coding it for my own stuff and my kids’ stuff, and then even setting tons of alarms/reminders for stuff. (Ok, the color coding might be a little OCD, but you get the idea…)
  • TO-DO LISTS  I LOVE making lists. If you were to go into my phone right now, you would see a list of the kids invited to my daughter’s birthday party, a list of stuff to get done this week, another list for groceries, and a list of apartments with notes since we’re getting ready to move. I take notes for everything because when you have 100 things on your mind, trying to remember specifics can get tricky.  Don’t be afraid to make lists on post-its, phone apps, mini-notebooks… whatever you like. This way you have something legit written down and there’s no second-guessing yourself about details. Plus, it’s an excuse to carry around a super cute little notebook if you want 🙂
  • DON’T PROCRASTINATE – I used to sit there and stare at hard projects at home or work, or having to study for a big exam, and put them last because I knew it was the one that was going to be the hardest and take the most effort. So instead, I would preoccupy myself with distractions and smaller, less important stuff that had to get done eventually. But then I always ended up stressing out more than ever and sometimes missing deadlines. Attack the tough stuff a little bit at a time OR just take a chunk of time and dedicate it to powering through whatever it is that you have been avoiding. I promise you your stress levels will go down big time!

piggy bank savingsMake a Budget and STICK WITH IT-This is a super-hard one to do, especially if you’re an impulse buyer like me. As I got older I realized my credit mistakes when I turned 18 totally caught up with me and made my life harder. So, I decided to actually make a budget and make sure I followed it. I have a color-coded excel spreadsheet (yep, there’s the OCD again) but there’s apps and websites like Mint or Learnvest you can use for free! Another cool thing you can do is sign up for SaveUp and get rewarded for paying your bills on time and putting money into a savings account! How cool is that? Just make sure that you put will love the feeling of knowing where the heck all your hard earned money goes and how to make sure you can afford to take care of you and your baby.
helping young mom friendDon’t be afraid to say YES – Ok, I know we all love being independent young moms who are out to prove that we can conquer the world. While this is entirely true, I want you to remember something: You’re still human! Sometimes we find ourselves feeling like we might need help but we’re too stubborn or determined to ask. (I may be speaking from personal experience…. maybe.) So here’s the thing, if someone is willing to help you out by offering to pick up your kids from school, babysitting for an hour so you can go to take your midterm, or even offering to pick up some stuff at the store for you while they’re out so you can avoid the mission of packing up the diaper bag and the kids and spending 20 minutes loading up the entire car just to go get a gallon of milk, just say these simple little words: “Yes, thank you so much.”
I know, I know. You are fully capable of taking care of those million things to do all by yourself. I am NOT doubting you at all! But, if you can realize for a second that those people who love you and see you after you got 2 hours of sleep with a restless baby last night are trying to help you simply because you might actually benefit from it, why not let them? It’s not a bad thing to need other people sometimes. We all do. So don’t be afraid to take help when it’s offered and, more importantly, don’t be afraid to ASK for help too!

There are so many more ways to help keep your sanity and I promise to share them with you later in another blog post. But, for now, make sure you use all these tools to help manage your life and to live every day how it should be: HAPPY!

What are some tips you have for other young moms out there who might need help juggling their busy lives? Tell us in the comments below so we can all be supportive to each other 🙂