If there was ever 1 parenting book to read, this is the one. One of the things I regret is not reading this book and applying the strategies in it since Angelina was 6 months old. The philosophy behind Parenting with Love and Logic is that we should teach our children to be independent and how to make their own choices from a young age, when the cost of making a bad choice isn’t as severe as when they’re older.
Benefits to Parenting with Love and Logic are:
No more yelling
No more begging or bribing your children
Kids who do the right thing because they know where the wrong thing leads to
Letting your kids be the one to call the shots 95% of the time and allow them to experience the impact from their choices.
You do this by giving them choices (and only 2 choices) about as much as you can- every little thing you can think of.
“Do you want to wear this shirt or that shirt?”
“Left shoe first or right shoe?”
“Go play at this park or that park?”
You want them to feel 100% in control of their life.
*Of course, when there’s a decision to be made that will affect their health and safety, you call the shots- no questions asked.
Here are a 2 examples of how Parenting with Love and Logic can work:
Before: Your 2 year old just finished playing with his blocks so he goes over to his pretend tool box set and starts playing with that. He doesn’t mind cleaning them up because he knows either mommy will pick them up or they’ll still be there in the same spot tomorrow.
Using the Parenting with Love and Logic approach: Before he walks away, you ask him, “Would you like to pick up your toys or do you want mommy to?” If he’s like most kids, he’ll point right at you. So you smile and say “Ok” and then you pick up his toys into a bin and proceed to place it on the highest shelf you can find where he can’t easily access them. If he gets upset, you just hug him and say “Aww you miss your toys, that’s so sad.” (In a loving way, never with sarcasm) and then move on to the next activity. The magic happens tomorrow after playing with the toys again, when you ask “Would you like to pick your toys up or would you like mommy to?” I bet his answer has changed. 🙂
Before: Your 9 month old has learned that while sitting in her high chair, if she throws her sippy cup, mommy will immediately pick it up, wash it off and give it back. She takes another sip and throws it on the floor again. It’s starting to become a fun game for her to see how many times mommy will do this, while doing other funny things in the meantime, like wave her finger around, saying “No no no.”
Using the Parenting with Love and Logic approach: You would ask her “Do you want to have your sippy cup or do you want to throw it on the floor?” Assume her reaching for the cup is her answer and when she throws it on the floor, you show her sympathy and place the cup out of arms reach. Give her a loving kiss on the forehead to show her you aren’t mad and then let her cry for her cup for a few minutes. Ask her again, “Do you want your cup or do you want to throw it on the floor?” Repeat this process, if needed, each time keeping the cup away from her longer. She will get the hint that keeping the cup is the best choice.
The book has a lot more examples and it actually becomes pretty fun to try and even more fun when it works!
The Parenting with Love and Logic system is one that takes a lot of consistency and practice but I think it’s really important to start it at a young age.
It’ll result in less frustration for you and much wiser and independent kids. Obviously, it’s much easier to understand once you’ve read the book but after you do, it’ll make perfect sense. Click here to get a copy of the book and start Parenting with Love and Logic 🙂
Curious: Has anyone else read this and what did you get from it??
Also: What are YOUR favorite parenting books and why??
Leave a comment below 🙂