10 things young moms are sick of hearing

10 Things Young Moms are Sick of Hearing

Are you guilty of saying things to young moms that they probably are sick of hearing? Did you even know you were being rude when you said it? Probably not, so don’t feel bad!

Better yet, are you a young and/or single mom that wishes people knew when to keep their comments to themselves? Here’s a list of the 10 things that you can bet young moms are super sick of hearing for the millionth time…

10 Things Young Moms are Sick of Hearing

super mom

#1. OMG, I don’t know how you do it! – Like there’s another option? There are a gazillion moms out there that had kids young or are raising kids alone. I do it just like everyone else does every day of their life; I kick my own butt into gear everyday, take help when it’s offered, and make sure I always put myself and my kids first. Sure there are days I want to pull my hair out or run away from home but everyone has those days, kids or not… don’t they? LOL

young tattooed mom

#2. You look too young to have kids – First of all, thank you. I am approaching 30 and about to have a heart attack because even though reality has made me grow up quickly, I’m still terrified of hitting actual-age adulthood, even though I’ve heard 30 is the new 20! LOL. So yeah, I probably am “too young” by society’s standards to have kids, especially one in middle school and another going into first grade. And this statement could have totally offended me, but instead I’m going to act like I do when I get carded when I buy wine (giggle, smile and walk away feeling damn good about myself).

keep-calm-im-a-single-mom

#3. So you’re married then? – Now wait a minute. Do you see a ring on this finger? (Well, I wear one now but I didn’t used to) Just because we have kids doesn’t mean we have to be married to the father. I am 100% happy for every young mama out there who found true love with her high school sweetheart and I think it’s super amazing when couples can work out a relationship with the other parent and actually be blissfully happy. But please, if you see a young mom with her kids and there’s not a guy with her, don’t assume automatically she married the guy because there might be a good reason he’s not around. If you do ask, be polite about it and don’t ever give that disapproving look followed by “Oh, I see. Well that’s OK…” after we tell you we’re single mommies. We already know it’s more than OK.   🙂

grad

#4. So much for graduation/college – Wait, whaaaa? Since when did having a kid mean your life was over? Having a child is no reason school has to be removed from your life plan! Sure it’s more difficult to raise a kid and still focus on school, but there is no way being a mom means you have to sacrifice your dreams and education to create an awesome life for you and your child. With continuing education programs, online classes and local community colleges there are lots of ways to finish school. (BTW, if you want to learn more about getting yourself through college as a teen mom, make sure to check this blog out: http://bit.ly/1qTkF8R)

pregnancy options

#5. Did you consider other options? – Yes, people actually say this. Personally, I think it’s the most disturbing question you could ask a pregnant teen or a teen mother. Honestly, everyone has their own viewpoints and moral standpoints on teen pregnancy and how it should be handled. Some people feel that adoption could be beneficial to everyone involved, some people think marriage is the answer, and others think that unplanned pregnancies shouldn’t be carried out. But here’s what should be said about the subject: NOTHING. If this young mom is having a baby or has children, she has already made a choice. It may not have been easy and she’s probably heard a million different opinions already and had to become overwhelmed with rearranging her life plans and adapting to new situations. So do the world a favor, have some class and don’t ask this question. Ever.

mom advice

#6. Unwanted parenting advice – This category is so broad, it would be impossible to squeeze all the advice we’re sick of getting on this list. If we ask for your opinion on how to do something or ask for parenting advice, of course it’s so appreciated when you give it to us! BUT (this is a big but) please do NOT volunteer your overbearing instructions on how to raise our children. If kids were supposed to be raised one specific way, the doctor would have handed out instruction manuals on delivery day. Young moms are just as capable of being incredible parents as anyone else in the world. Remember, if we need help we are not afraid to ask, but otherwise assume that we’ve got this!

Young-Moms-Resent-Being-Judged

#7. Is this your little sister/niece/cousin? or Are you the babysitter? – Well, I guess my kid must look nothing like me.  As flattering as you think it might be that we look young enough to be a paid babysitter (like #2 was), most young moms are getting tired of being mistaken for an alternate caregiver or family member. We did a lot of work to bring this child into the world and we’re still putting in work raising them, so hell yeah, you better believe we wanna take credit for that! I do have to admit that I personally enjoy this question every so often. It seriously embarrasses the pants off my tween daughter and one of my main jobs as a mother is to embarrass her, so once in a while is alright I guess. LOL.

KIDS

#8. Wow, it must be hard to meet someone – Gee, thanks. I forgot about the big red letter I wear out in public when I’m looking for a date. Meeting the “right” guy is hard, even without kids. Yeah, it’s true that once you have a kid it does get more difficult to find free time to pursue a relationship. However, don’t ever assume a young mom is “damaged goods” just because she had a child at a young age! And young moms, you better never let anyone make you feel like you don’t deserve Mr. Right anymore because you had a child. If anything, you should be even more excited about dating. A man that is willing to look at a woman’s child and accept or love that child no differently than they would their own… that’s a keeper. So technically, you can thank your kid for helping you immediately reject guys who run for the hills because you’re a parent. You wouldn’t have wanted to waste those 4 months before finding out he’s not the right one anyways.

friends

#9. Did you forget about your friends? – We’ve probably all had a lot of these conversations: “Yeah, I know… I missed Taco Tuesday again.”  “No, I can’t make it to your sister’s birthday party.”  “So what if it’s Friday? I can’t go out drinking because hangovers and children don’t mix.” So many people get caught up in missing the happiness they get out of your friendship with them that they forget that your life changes when you’re young and have kids. We know as moms, we have a tendency to have to rearrange our priorities and may not be at the center of the social circle anymore like we used to. Forgive us and move on and just know that even though you may feel like we’re blowing you off we really do want to hang out and we’re not forgetting about you. We swear! True friendships adapt through life changes. Plus, don’t forget, one day when you have kids and we want to go out, my kid will be old enough to babysit! 😉

tired mom

#10. You can handle it, you’re young – This may be true and most young moms have certain advantages when it comes to parenting. For the most part, we are more agile, have more energy, can survive on less sleep, and we have less of a generation gap between us and our kids which can make it easier to juggle life as a parent. Just remember, we’re still human and we are entitled to get tired. I don’t care how young you are, when you’re waking up every couple hours with a baby while going to school and working and still trying to mange the rest of your entire life, you end up insanely exhausted! So please if you ever see me come home with a half-dead look on my face, just remember one thing: I may be young, but right now I feel like I’m 80 so keep that thought to yourself today. Thanks!

So I think that about covers it. For all the friends and family of young moms out there, we know you mean well. Just try to remember these things next time before you say them. Odds are we don’t want to hear it anymore and we sooooo want to love you and not be irritated when you didn’t mean any harm.

And to all the young moms out there, I hope you agreed with me on most of these, or at least got a good laugh out of it! Are there other things that you got tired of hearing when you were pregnant or after you had your children? Comment below because I would LOVE to hear your stories.

how to feel confident as a young mom

How to Feel Confident as a Young Mom

by Jenna Faccenda

Have you ever felt like the odd one out? As if you don’t fit in?

That’s exactly how I felt when I took my son to his first gymnastics class. We were having a blast moving around and playing with things. But when I looked up I noticed something.

All the moms were talking to each other, in groups, but yet not a single mother tried talking to me. I felt like a total outcast. I had never countered a discrimination against my age until then. I started frantically obsessing over everything that I might have been doing wrong. When I would listen to the other moms talk about their husbands and what activities and things they got their kid, I felt a surge of jealousy. I felt as though I was inadequate as a mom and that was not right.

It wasn’t until I looked down at my baby boy that I realize how silly I was being.

There he was happy as can be playing with me. It didn’t matter what the other moms thought of me or how they were raising their kids, because none of that mattered to my son.

confident young mom
They weren’t the ones raising him, I was. And only I had the capability of doing what was best for him. After seeing the pure enjoyment on his face I knew I was doing something right.

The reason of this blog post is that I don’t want other moms to ever feel like I did that day. Being young doesn’t mean you are incapable of being a good mom. It’s important to feel confident as a mother and know that you are doing what’s best for your kid.

It’s important to put all of those negative thoughts to the side and look at the bigger picture: your happy baby. Because hey if your little one is happy then you must be doing something right!

Have you ever felt like you didn’t fit in with other moms because of your age? Tell us about it and let us know what you did to build up your confidence!

3 things to dig myself out

3 Things I did to Dig Myself out of my Sh*t Hole

“WTF dude, I am a good person. I’m never mean to anyone. I would bend over backwards for anyone that needed it. I’ve spent the last 2 years doing nothing but trying to be a good mom and do everything I can for my husband and family. So why do I continuously get screwed over? What the f*ck is wrong with me? Or what am I doing wrong? What am I supposed to do? Give up everything I have and start from scratch again, only this time with 2 kids? Well yeah I’m pretty sure that’s what I have to do.. But this freaking blows…
 
I no longer believe in Karma….”

I wrote this post 6 years ago on my MySpace and for the record, I now DO believe in karma.

When I was writing the excerpt above, there was no way I could even try to foresee that I’d be where I am now.

I’m not claiming to be a superstar or anything but getting out of that point of my despair and into a space where I feel completely satisfied with myself and my life seemed completely impossible at the time.

It was actually a lot easier that I thought it would be.

Looking back and re-evaluating my past situation and the steps I took to get out of it; there are 3 clear things that I always did that I’m pretty sure contributed to getting out of that sh*t hole of a life I was stuck in.

3 Things I did to dig myself out of my Sh*t Hole:

1. Keeping Faith- I literally left my husband and drove 1000 miles home with my kids and what few possessions I had in my car. It was annoying to just leave everything that I owned 50% of but if I had stayed to bicker over material possessions, I wouldn’t have been out of there and creating my new life as quickly. When I got a little apartment for the 3 of us, we literally had nothing but it didn’t matter to me, I saw the emptiness as an opportunity to bring even better things into my life.

2. Not caring what anyone thought- I’ve made so many decisions that other people didn’t like and if I cared what they thought, I’d probably feel like total sh*t right now. Fortunately, I couldn’t care less. Everybody’s always ready to give me their opinion on how I should live my life and I just let it go in one ear and out the other. I use my intuition to direct me when making choices and if someone doesn’t like me for a decision I made, well, they can go suck a fat one.

3. Taking risks- I’ve had so many opportunities come to me from risks that I took that I didn’t feel good enough for yet. When auditions came up that other girls with more experience were flocking to, I still auditioned. When a job was offered to me that I didn’t have the skills for, I learned the trade as quickly as I could. I don’t always feel confident in everything I do, but I don’t let it stop me, either. When the thought of doing something scares me, I allow myself to feel the fear of it, and I act anyway. If I had let fear stop me from doing things, I would’ve missed out on a lot of the opportunities that have changed my life for the better.

I write this post not to brag about myself- I’m definitely a work in progress!- but to tell you that life does get better and the sh*t storm that you’re in is only very temporary.

There’s no way to see exactly where you’ll be in 6 years but even I know that you will be fine! Just keep doing what you do and while you do it, Keep the Faith, Don’t Care about what Anyone Else Thinks and Don’t be Afraid to Take Risks!

You’re writing your story now and it’s going to end Awesome.

xoxo Danielle

 

3 Things I did to Dig Myself out of my Sh*t Hole

young moms picture

5 Steps to Get Your Mom to Stop making Decisions for your Child

A few weeks ago, my mother had the kids at her house while I had a “Staycation” in Las Vegas with my boyfriend. We spent the weekend hanging by the pool, going to great dinners, playing poker.. (I fricken love those weekends!) By Sunday night, I was in total relaxation mode.. but then I got the call.

“Hi Mommy! Guess what? Grandma put purple streaks in my hair!” -Angelina Ford, age 8.

My mood went from “totally chilled” to “positively pissed” in about 0.5 seconds. get your mom to stop making decisions for your child

“Why the f*ck would my mom do that?” “Who the hell does she think she is?” “I don’t care if she’s her grandmother, she has no right to dye my kid’s hair!” “That’s it, I’m gonna cuss her out…” -These are a few of the thoughts that jumped right in my head.

Luckily, because of years of practicing how to react when I get angry (It’s been a long road), I was able to refrain from calling her back immediately and giving her a piece of my mind. Instead, I decided to think about it for a little while and think through what I would say to express my feelings about the incident and also make it clear that I didn’t want another similar situation coming up again.

I had the conversation, my mom understood and luckily purple is a color that fades out pretty quickly, so it’s all good now.

I shared this story because a lot of girls have written to me that a big issue for them is their mom trying to raise their kid. It’s even worse when you live at your mom’s house and she’s helping you out financially.

How are you supposed to tell your mom that you don’t approve of something when she’s helping to support you and you’d be lost without her?

Here are 5 things to remember when you want to tell your mom off:

1) JUST ZIP IT!

I know how hard this one is. When you’re so pissed about something that you can literally feel yourself getting hot and start to shake, there is no way that anything helpful is going to come out of your mouth.. so just shut it. Put your hands over it, walk out of the room; whatever you have to do to NOT say exactly what’s on your mind in that moment.

Even if you know you’re right about the issue and you want them to know that you’re pissed, sometimes not saying anything gets the point across better than yelling. When you yell at somebody, you give away your power. You especially don’t want to do that in this situation where your argument is about power to begin with. Criminals have said that they love getting cops to yell at them because then they know that they have the power.. it’s weird, but it’s true. So just zip those lips and throw away the key.. for at least a few minutes.

2) WEAR YOUR MOM’S SHOES

Not literally of course, unless you happen to wear the same size and she has a decent fashion sense.. but stop to think about her side of things for a minute and ask yourself a few questions..

Does she know that what she’s doing bothers you? Have you actually talked to her about it? You can’t just assume she knows what’s in your head. What a great world we would live in if everyone just knew what our expectations were and then followed through.

Are her intentions good or bad? Is she deliberately trying to piss you off or show you who’s in charge? Or is she maybe just not putting herself in your shoes and hasn’t thought about how you would feel about it? More often than not, she just hasn’t these steps to see your view point.

3) DECIDE IF SHE’S HARMING YOUR CHILD OR YOUR EGO

Is she making bad decisions for your kid that are definitely wrong like driving without a car seat (or dying her hair)? Or is she making decisions that are just not her place to make like deciding on a theme for a nursery or birthday party?

It’s OK to be mad at your mom for either, you just first need to be clear on if this is a genuine safety or health issue or if your mom is just crossing her boundaries.

4) CREATE A SCRIPT

When it comes to explaining your frustrations with someone, less is more. People have short attention spans (even your mom) so giving a 15 minutes speech or writing a novel telling her all of the issues you have will actually be a lot less effective than a short paragraph that is concise and well written.

Here is a sample speech to use:

“Mom, I want you to know I’m trying to be the best mom that I can right now. But it’s very hard for me to do that when I feel like I’m not in control of (insert child’s name). I know you have the best interest at heart but when you take it upon yourself to make a decision like (insert decision here) then that’s 1 less decision I get to make and those kind of decisions are part of being a mom. I understand you’re trying to help and I totally appreciate all that you do for me but can you please, from now on, run things like that by me first?”

5) HUG IT OUT

You’d be nowhere without your mom and even though she’s a pain in the ass sometimes, you gotta make sure she knows how much you appreciate her.

Now you tell me! What kinds of things does your mom decide to take it upon herself to do? How do you usually handle these kind of situations?

Leave your story in the comments below…

5 Steps to Get Your Mom to Stop making Decisions for your Child